do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
