she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
