I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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