3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
