So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
