My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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