I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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