i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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