literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
