I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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