Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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