so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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