he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
