I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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