Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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