Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
