I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
