Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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