Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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