Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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