She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
