In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
