You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
