dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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