so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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