I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
