do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's always time for handjobs
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
