if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
