There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
