Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
