If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
