Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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