I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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