Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
