guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
