Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
