got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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