My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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