Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
