Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
