hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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