Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
