This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
