new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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