well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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