So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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