matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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