The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just cropdusted the office
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
they're like a gay fantastic four
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
