just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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