My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my shit smells like andre
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
